Nobody Listens to Andrew

When my oldest grandson, Andrew was about 4 years of age, (he will soon be 30), he would raise his hand to get the attention of me, his mother, and his aunt as we discussed and debated any number of topics.  When we would stop our talk and turn to ask what he wanted, he would say with his hand in the air, “I have something to say”.  We would look in his direction, roll our eyes, then turn back to our conversation, dismissing him not only from the conversation, but sometimes from the room. As he turned to leave, we would hear him mumble: Nobody listens to Andrew.

Over the years, I have learned that when people want my attention, I need to find a way to give it to them.  How many times have your employees tried to make their point, ask for clarity, or get buy-in for an idea, but both the person and the idea were disregarded? How many times have you overlooked the skills and competencies of someone who was qualified to help you but because your mind was closed to a different possibility, you dismissed their talent? How many times have you refused to consider an employee’s viewpoint because their thinking did not align with your own? In other words, how many Andrews have you turned away?

Listening takes patience and skill.  When someone else is talking, we are generally thinking about what we want to say, not to what they are saying. Sometimes before a person can finish stating their idea or making their case, we interrupt. Additionally, there are times when people just need to unload and express their frustration with a situation.  At that point, they may not be asking for your input, they may need a sounding board without comment or judgment. 

Leaders should be able to note the difference between when a person just needs to express their thoughts without comment and when they need advice.  One way I have found to ensure this is by listening first, then asking, “do you want my feedback?”.  If they say ‘yes’, then I give it; if they say ‘no’, I keep my mouth shut.

We need to listen more, and talk less.  After all, we have two ears, but only one mouth. So, we must learn to listen to our Andrews!