3-Day Comedy Sweep, Day 1

Gallup (yes, the poll people) issued a report called, The Global Rise of Unhappiness. The report is mostly referring to the workplace, but I am hearing people speak about unhappiness in their lives who are not even working, so…

Anyway, for the next 3 days, join me for my new movement: The Comedy Sweep (not Sweepstakes-there is no prize, only surprise). I will post something funny for you to laugh about (or roll your eyes about).

Here ya go for Day One:

✅A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What’ll you have? The skeleton says, “give me a beer and a mop”.

✅A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says, Really? In that case, give me a Kyle!”

✅A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!"

✅One of the shortest wills ever written: Being of sound mind, I spent all the money.

✅Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. A few minutes after it started, Fred heard Sam rustling around and he seemed to be searching on the floor under his seat. "What are you doing?" asked Fred. Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. I can't find it." Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. "But I've got to", said Sam, "my teeth are in it!"

✅When I asked my personal trainer at the gym which machine I should use to impress beautiful women, he pointed outside and said, “the ATM machine”.

✅My 35-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I’d left my wallet in my truck. As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. “But don’t worry,” I said with a grin. “I’m leaving my son for collateral.” She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. “What else you got?”

✅My 11-year-old takes his homework seriously. One question required him to write a sentence using the word version. His sentence: “Have you heard of the version Mary?”

✅Two regulars are sitting at a bar when one of them casually points to a couple of drunks across from them. “That’s us in ten years,” he says. His friend takes a sip from his beer, sets it down on the bar, turns to his friend, and slurs, “That’s a mirror.”